Bravo Chaps,
I just disembarked my steamer in Sydney Harbour and have to say that my three week reconnaissance in the independent colony of America was successful, if not tiring!
The climate was mild - bordering on the extreme mild, and the locals completely unaware of my devious mission. I was even able, with the help of local contacts such as our very own agent of the undercovers; Miss T, to procure a vehicle for a long range scout of the greater state of New York and Pennsylvania. We were even so bold as to slip over the border into the Canadian colonies and seek conference there. Sterling work if I do not say so myself!
More will be written in further dispatches as time permits, but one remembrance lingers with me. As I cast my mind back to previous exploits, including the much lauded Canton campaign of '02, I cannot recall more disgusting latrines than those found in New York City. It's enough to curl one's whiskers without the aid of wax!
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By God man, what horror! I nearly swallowed my cigar when I read that latrine bit. At least that's one front Jerry has covered, I'm yet to pass anything in a lav that I wouldn't eat off. If it came to that.
Damn glad to hear you're back, I hope you found the Doctor in good working order!
*Oo er* regarding the good Doctor's working order. I'm sure she works perfectly well!
Yes, those latrines sound jolly miz. I have read stories in the papers here of various talkies actors, such as the handsome Mr W. Smith, being so reviled by the American lav that they have gone out and spent a whopping big sum on the Nipponese equivalent (with 24-hour bidet, cleansing facilities and crank-it-as-you-flush gramophone). Simply marvellous!
*ahem* I should have said, "they so reviled the American lav". Hee hee - now I'm having visions of an army of menacing WCs chasing talkies actors about with sharpened and equally menacing toilet brushes.
The phrase "it's only the stubborn understains that are keeping them together" appears to be perfectly valid when discussing the NYC latrines as well as Msnr. Vivian's underwear.
A terrible, terrible, terrible affair.
Good god! Sgt M, I had hoped to put aside memory of the smelling-salts-factory-cum-latrine I ventured into in a hotel in Canton, and to imagine our American cousins (I use the term in its new-fangled evolutionary meaning, of course) might have even more degenerate privies strikes me quite chill. I'm sure in fact that any self-respecting Nipponese toilet would arm itself in revilement of such a prospect.
However, I am most struck by Nottlesby's suggestion that he is "yet to pass anything in a lav" that he "couldn't eat off".
Sinjin, you've been in the land of Hun nary a month and they have already got you savouring The Ultimate Degradation. Gads, get out of there before your sideburns turn an even more unsightly shade of brown!!!!
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